The Jesus of Lizards. Long ago in a mystical land filled with unicorns and Zaxby's chicken franchise there lived a lizard with unusual powers. This particular lizard could lick twice an hour as opposed to the other lizards at the time whom were only capable of licking once per week. This lizard was soon relicked and worshiped among the community of fellow lizards. These lizards then enslaved a race of monkeys to construct temples that would please the Lizard Jesus. Lizard Jesus scale covered hide is now found on modern day cans of SoBe.